Truth is, I don't think about you often.
Only when I listen to the deftones. Or when I make ramen. Or watch nerdy stuff on the science channel.

And I was thinking about you. And your heart. And how bad it must hurt now. Because of me.
And despite everything, you really didn't deserve anything I did to you.
Well, maybe some of it, but not everything.
You loved me unconditionally and irrevokably, and that's more then I can say for anyone else I've ever come in contact with.

If I had only loved you more. Shown it in a better way. Let you know how much I appreciated you, instead of trying to be this ice queen, this twisted little version of winslow. All I cared about was having someone love me more then I loved them, and in the process, I never realized it was I who depended so greatly on you.

I am truely, truely, sorry. I wish I could take it back. I wish I hadn't hurt you, but I can't fix it now. And even if it was possible, I wouldn't know how to do it.

I don't have many regrets. I sleep fairly sound at night. But the way I treated you, I regret. It keeps me up at night. It makes it hard to breathe sometimes. It makes me cry at random times. I feel terrible.


And no, Anthony. This one is for you, not him.
Please forgive me.